At this point we can assume that the most common reason for not going out would be because that you don't know anyone... maybe you just moved, maybe work only has just a few people that aren't in your age group.
All this doesn't matter. There are many things out there to help you find and make some new friends. Lets start with where you live.
So you moved to a neighborhood, you just moved into a new house. The easiest way to make yourself some new friends in this situation is to be accessible. Most people are like you, they just won't approach someone new and just say hello, especially if they are men to approach men.
What do I mean by be accessible? Well, the idea is to find something to do outside where others might see you and say hello. Mowing the grass, planting a garden, trimming the trees. All of these are simple ideas that put you in the area for your neighbors to feel comfortable to come out and introduce themselves. What if you don't really have any thing outside that you like to do? Well I think you could make something up that you could make a routine out of.
As an example of this... I bought a house back in about 2003 in a little neighborhood. I really didn't know my neighbors or anyone for that matter. I decided to put up my Dart Board in the Garage. The dart board was on the wall but fairly close to the garage door so that I would stand on one side of the garage and throw darts to the other while leaving the garage door open. It didn't take but a few days before I knew about 5 or 6 people from the neighborhood. That was only me playing after I left work for the day. Simple. Suppose you don't play darts, or you don't have a garage. Well, there is always something to do outside. Games, Bikes, Kites, Radio Control Cars, Auto Detailing, etc.
What if you moved into an apartment? How would you then meet new neighbors. Well, usually during football season someone is yelling in there house at the TV, its always a good thing to stop by, and watch TV with them. If its not football season there is always meeting people at the pool, the laundry room, outside when there car isn't functional, or needs maintenance. Simply speaking if there is anything that you know how to do or enjoy doing this would be a great opportunity for you to go and give your two cents, even if they don't need it.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Relationship Help Topic 2 - Getting Started
Obviously you already would like to know some more information about gaining the self es team it takes to find a way out of your seat and into the conversation of that wonderful special someone you have you eye on, or you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. With that in mind I will start with a little story about one of my friends.
A few years ago a friend of mine and I were out just hanging out in the mall, not really sure why. This friend of mine was a girl, but she was that fun type. We had a lot in common but we were kind of ignorant to that fact and sometimes that made us dislike each other. Anyway...
We used to play little games with each other about to see who was the weakest. So we started this game called... Get the phone number. Basically the way it worked was that She would pick any girl in the mall, of age of course, then I had to talk to her and attempt to get her phone number. The trick was to make sure you had the right number at all costs. After I would get a number it was then my turn to pick any man in the mall, of age, and she had to approach them to get there phone number. Immediately you might think that this is a little unfair because woman can just walk up to any guy and they will just say OK. Well let me tell it isn't really unfair, because most women don't have any "breaking the ice" practice. They usually feel that they should be approached by the men and hence don't approach men like we are doing in this game.
Any how in the process of this game I would walk up to a woman of her choosing and start a conversation. It was generally always "Hi my name is Mike, and I noticed you are shopping" or "Hi I'm Mike" and just wait for a response. Even if she didn't give me one I would keep trying to talk to her, but this never happened, they always say hello back. I would talk with them for a while about something random, shopping, whatever came to my mind, doesn't really matter, sometimes I would even explain the game and how it was silly but I really thought she was interesting. Anything just to get the phone number.
I didn't like rejection, but it happens, I could get wrong phone numbers or whatever, so when I would ask for the number I would see if she had a cell phone. So instead of saying can I have your phone number, I would say... do you have a cell phone, if she said yes I would pull out my cell phone, I would say, give me your number and I'll use my phone to call you so you have mine. If her phone rings she saves you number and you save hers. Easy as 1,2,3. but what if she didn't have a cell phone? Well you could just pull out a pen and paper and let her write her number down on the paper. I can't really tell you have to tell if that's a real number or not except that if you watch her facial expressions you should be pretty good at knowing anyway. Most woman will just say no if they don't want to give away a phone number, but lets just assume they are all correct for the time being.
As for my friend, she would basically do the same thing, except now that you have a new phone number she must get a number from the guy. It really makes her persistent. If she doesn't get a phone number she has to move on to another guy I choose. She probably didn't want to give her number to a bunch of different guys, because men will probably always call the woman later. But that wasn't my issue with the game, it was hers.
I would guess that you could say this is the type of game with no real winners... YET... because you only got the phone number of someone. Fine that is kind of step one.
What I'm trying to say when it comes to this type of thing is that after all of the learning and adapting its usually best to get right to the point. Say hello, get her or his name, make a little small chit chat, act busy and then return home with a quality phone number.
Why is this important in the getting started step? Well if you are the type of person that likes to stay at home instead of go out, don't have any friends, or just doesn't feel like talking to anyone, for any reason. This little game can really help you with your social skills when it comes to meeting new people.
So lets say you don't know anyone, you just moved to a new place. There are several ways to get to know new people.
One... Myspace. Myspace is great, because most people on there are already trying to make new friends, or they already have tons of friends that can help with your transition to a new area.
Two... Social groups. Social groups will help make new friends because many of them are in the same situation as you, or like the same things.
Three... Church. I know that some people are not religious, but it can be a great meeting place especially if you have some religious questions.
There are so many more things to help make new friends, personally I like to just walk outside and talk to people who are doing things. I could say this is easy for me, because I'm a car guy. When someone opens the hood of their car I usually walk up and offer my help.
I still get my weird quirks as I don't like to just walk up to random guys for no good reason and start talking to them. I usually think they might think of me as flirty, even though I'm just trying to make some new friends. So I try to make my appearance when I have something to offer like, my help.
In the following posts I will continue with getting the getting started theme, and how to use these special groups to get out, even when you do it alone.
A few years ago a friend of mine and I were out just hanging out in the mall, not really sure why. This friend of mine was a girl, but she was that fun type. We had a lot in common but we were kind of ignorant to that fact and sometimes that made us dislike each other. Anyway...
We used to play little games with each other about to see who was the weakest. So we started this game called... Get the phone number. Basically the way it worked was that She would pick any girl in the mall, of age of course, then I had to talk to her and attempt to get her phone number. The trick was to make sure you had the right number at all costs. After I would get a number it was then my turn to pick any man in the mall, of age, and she had to approach them to get there phone number. Immediately you might think that this is a little unfair because woman can just walk up to any guy and they will just say OK. Well let me tell it isn't really unfair, because most women don't have any "breaking the ice" practice. They usually feel that they should be approached by the men and hence don't approach men like we are doing in this game.
Any how in the process of this game I would walk up to a woman of her choosing and start a conversation. It was generally always "Hi my name is Mike, and I noticed you are shopping" or "Hi I'm Mike" and just wait for a response. Even if she didn't give me one I would keep trying to talk to her, but this never happened, they always say hello back. I would talk with them for a while about something random, shopping, whatever came to my mind, doesn't really matter, sometimes I would even explain the game and how it was silly but I really thought she was interesting. Anything just to get the phone number.
I didn't like rejection, but it happens, I could get wrong phone numbers or whatever, so when I would ask for the number I would see if she had a cell phone. So instead of saying can I have your phone number, I would say... do you have a cell phone, if she said yes I would pull out my cell phone, I would say, give me your number and I'll use my phone to call you so you have mine. If her phone rings she saves you number and you save hers. Easy as 1,2,3. but what if she didn't have a cell phone? Well you could just pull out a pen and paper and let her write her number down on the paper. I can't really tell you have to tell if that's a real number or not except that if you watch her facial expressions you should be pretty good at knowing anyway. Most woman will just say no if they don't want to give away a phone number, but lets just assume they are all correct for the time being.
As for my friend, she would basically do the same thing, except now that you have a new phone number she must get a number from the guy. It really makes her persistent. If she doesn't get a phone number she has to move on to another guy I choose. She probably didn't want to give her number to a bunch of different guys, because men will probably always call the woman later. But that wasn't my issue with the game, it was hers.
I would guess that you could say this is the type of game with no real winners... YET... because you only got the phone number of someone. Fine that is kind of step one.
What I'm trying to say when it comes to this type of thing is that after all of the learning and adapting its usually best to get right to the point. Say hello, get her or his name, make a little small chit chat, act busy and then return home with a quality phone number.
Why is this important in the getting started step? Well if you are the type of person that likes to stay at home instead of go out, don't have any friends, or just doesn't feel like talking to anyone, for any reason. This little game can really help you with your social skills when it comes to meeting new people.
So lets say you don't know anyone, you just moved to a new place. There are several ways to get to know new people.
One... Myspace. Myspace is great, because most people on there are already trying to make new friends, or they already have tons of friends that can help with your transition to a new area.
Two... Social groups. Social groups will help make new friends because many of them are in the same situation as you, or like the same things.
Three... Church. I know that some people are not religious, but it can be a great meeting place especially if you have some religious questions.
There are so many more things to help make new friends, personally I like to just walk outside and talk to people who are doing things. I could say this is easy for me, because I'm a car guy. When someone opens the hood of their car I usually walk up and offer my help.
I still get my weird quirks as I don't like to just walk up to random guys for no good reason and start talking to them. I usually think they might think of me as flirty, even though I'm just trying to make some new friends. So I try to make my appearance when I have something to offer like, my help.
In the following posts I will continue with getting the getting started theme, and how to use these special groups to get out, even when you do it alone.
Relationship Help Topic 1
I was reading a little catch on the Internet the other day about how men have problems talking to women. It really shocked me.
I was mostly surprised by the way that people go about avoiding doing things because of there own fears, or social anxieties.
At first I was thinking what a crock this guy might be when I honestly just related this to just about every person I know. I have always wondered why friends of mine wouldn't like to do things. Why don't they want to go to the club? Why is that party not the place for them? Why wouldn't they like to talk to that girl? Why wouldn't that girl just go talk to the guy?
I have thought long and hard about these things because they seem to effect so many people that I know, but I never realized it before because it never effected me. All I can say is that I am usually pretty oblivious to things going on around me that don't effect me so when I actually take a step back and look at what people are going through I usually see it pretty clearly.
Well, in the first thing a person must do for a relationship is build up the courage to get to know someone. If you don't ever meet them then you can't have any hope for any type of relationship, can you?
In my next section I will speak about getting the courage up to just go out and talk with that really hot Woman or Man that you were trying to talk to at work, or school for that matter. I will describe my personal experiences as well as what I believe that each woman or man wants to hear from the opposite sex. I will even put in a few things that my lesbian and gay friends have talked about and what that might mean for you as the person of interests. (later posts)
I was mostly surprised by the way that people go about avoiding doing things because of there own fears, or social anxieties.
At first I was thinking what a crock this guy might be when I honestly just related this to just about every person I know. I have always wondered why friends of mine wouldn't like to do things. Why don't they want to go to the club? Why is that party not the place for them? Why wouldn't they like to talk to that girl? Why wouldn't that girl just go talk to the guy?
I have thought long and hard about these things because they seem to effect so many people that I know, but I never realized it before because it never effected me. All I can say is that I am usually pretty oblivious to things going on around me that don't effect me so when I actually take a step back and look at what people are going through I usually see it pretty clearly.
Well, in the first thing a person must do for a relationship is build up the courage to get to know someone. If you don't ever meet them then you can't have any hope for any type of relationship, can you?
In my next section I will speak about getting the courage up to just go out and talk with that really hot Woman or Man that you were trying to talk to at work, or school for that matter. I will describe my personal experiences as well as what I believe that each woman or man wants to hear from the opposite sex. I will even put in a few things that my lesbian and gay friends have talked about and what that might mean for you as the person of interests. (later posts)
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