Relationship Help Topic 2 - Getting Started

Obviously you already would like to know some more information about gaining the self es team it takes to find a way out of your seat and into the conversation of that wonderful special someone you have you eye on, or you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. With that in mind I will start with a little story about one of my friends.

A few years ago a friend of mine and I were out just hanging out in the mall, not really sure why. This friend of mine was a girl, but she was that fun type. We had a lot in common but we were kind of ignorant to that fact and sometimes that made us dislike each other. Anyway...

We used to play little games with each other about to see who was the weakest. So we started this game called... Get the phone number. Basically the way it worked was that She would pick any girl in the mall, of age of course, then I had to talk to her and attempt to get her phone number. The trick was to make sure you had the right number at all costs. After I would get a number it was then my turn to pick any man in the mall, of age, and she had to approach them to get there phone number. Immediately you might think that this is a little unfair because woman can just walk up to any guy and they will just say OK. Well let me tell it isn't really unfair, because most women don't have any "breaking the ice" practice. They usually feel that they should be approached by the men and hence don't approach men like we are doing in this game.

Any how in the process of this game I would walk up to a woman of her choosing and start a conversation. It was generally always "Hi my name is Mike, and I noticed you are shopping" or "Hi I'm Mike" and just wait for a response. Even if she didn't give me one I would keep trying to talk to her, but this never happened, they always say hello back. I would talk with them for a while about something random, shopping, whatever came to my mind, doesn't really matter, sometimes I would even explain the game and how it was silly but I really thought she was interesting. Anything just to get the phone number.

I didn't like rejection, but it happens, I could get wrong phone numbers or whatever, so when I would ask for the number I would see if she had a cell phone. So instead of saying can I have your phone number, I would say... do you have a cell phone, if she said yes I would pull out my cell phone, I would say, give me your number and I'll use my phone to call you so you have mine. If her phone rings she saves you number and you save hers. Easy as 1,2,3. but what if she didn't have a cell phone? Well you could just pull out a pen and paper and let her write her number down on the paper. I can't really tell you have to tell if that's a real number or not except that if you watch her facial expressions you should be pretty good at knowing anyway. Most woman will just say no if they don't want to give away a phone number, but lets just assume they are all correct for the time being.

As for my friend, she would basically do the same thing, except now that you have a new phone number she must get a number from the guy. It really makes her persistent. If she doesn't get a phone number she has to move on to another guy I choose. She probably didn't want to give her number to a bunch of different guys, because men will probably always call the woman later. But that wasn't my issue with the game, it was hers.

I would guess that you could say this is the type of game with no real winners... YET... because you only got the phone number of someone. Fine that is kind of step one.

What I'm trying to say when it comes to this type of thing is that after all of the learning and adapting its usually best to get right to the point. Say hello, get her or his name, make a little small chit chat, act busy and then return home with a quality phone number.

Why is this important in the getting started step? Well if you are the type of person that likes to stay at home instead of go out, don't have any friends, or just doesn't feel like talking to anyone, for any reason. This little game can really help you with your social skills when it comes to meeting new people.

So lets say you don't know anyone, you just moved to a new place. There are several ways to get to know new people.

One... Myspace. Myspace is great, because most people on there are already trying to make new friends, or they already have tons of friends that can help with your transition to a new area.
Two... Social groups. Social groups will help make new friends because many of them are in the same situation as you, or like the same things.
Three... Church. I know that some people are not religious, but it can be a great meeting place especially if you have some religious questions.

There are so many more things to help make new friends, personally I like to just walk outside and talk to people who are doing things. I could say this is easy for me, because I'm a car guy. When someone opens the hood of their car I usually walk up and offer my help.

I still get my weird quirks as I don't like to just walk up to random guys for no good reason and start talking to them. I usually think they might think of me as flirty, even though I'm just trying to make some new friends. So I try to make my appearance when I have something to offer like, my help.

In the following posts I will continue with getting the getting started theme, and how to use these special groups to get out, even when you do it alone.